Hello reader, and happy full moon.
How have you been? I have missed writing to you. I did not anticipate this long pause. If you remember, I started the year with an intensely creative energy. I even wrote about it here:
And yet, I wrote my last newsletter in February and subsequently went into a five-month-long creative freeze. I’m not going to beat around the bush: I got pregnant.
In January, I went to a clinic in Copenhagen and did my fourth insemination with donor sperm (the first three attempts having been unsuccessful). At the beginning of February, I found out I was pregnant. I am now in my eighth month, which is incredible.
I have been very lucky with an easy and healthy pregnancy, along with wonderful support from friends, family, and the few strangers I have encountered along the way. I intend to write much more about my experience of getting pregnant as a solo woman living in Sweden (you’ll notice I went to Copenhagen, Denmark, to make it happen – that’s a whole story); what led me to that decision; the logistics and legal aspects of choosing a clinic, a donor, and so on.
I also wish to explore new ideas that have intrigued me since then. For example, the spirituality of pregnancy—could it be the ultimate practice of non-duality?; what occurs when we detach the act of life-creation from sexuality and, in return, the sexual aspect from human conception; the queerness of solo motherhood and of solohood in general…
If you have any thoughts or resources on these topics, please share them with me! I’ve been looking into yoga philosophy (particularly Brahmacharya), classical Tantra, Buddhism, and meditation in general, but also Audre Lorde’s highly acclaimed “Uses of the Erotic”.
The very word erotic comes from the Greek word eros, the personification of love in all its aspects –born of Chaos, and personifying creative power and harmony. When I speak of the erotic, then, I speak of it as an assertion of the lifeforce of women; of that creative energy empowered, the knowledge and use of which we are now reclaiming in our language, our history, our dancing, our loving, our work, our lives.
“Uses of the Erotic: The Erotic as Power”, Audre Lorde, 1978
I have found so much beauty in this process and even a touch of the sublime. So much so that, although blessed with the creative project of my dreams, I have needed to take some time to explore inward rather than sharing my reflections with the world as I initially intended.
But now that my pregnancy is nearing completion and a new chapter is about to begin, I feel the urge to write, share, and be visible and public again! I won’t make my usual mistake of promising a regular schedule, because who knows how birth and postpartum will affect me. However, know that I am still here, and more filled with creativity and ideas than ever. Literally pregnant with magic.
You might hear from me on the next new moon, which falls on August 22nd. Or you might not. I guess we’ll see!
🌕 Full Moon recommendations:
Your Silence Will Not Protect You: A collection of Audre Lorde’s essential essays and poems (with a Preface by Reni Eddo-Lodge and an Introduction by Sara Ahmed)
A Thousand Threads, a memoir, by 90s queen Neneh Cherry
Windswept Adan, a lovely, whimsical album by Ichiko Aoba
This newsletter by Katherine Goldstein on Deep Casual Hosting (which pairs really well with Priya Parker’s Art of Gathering)
Love,
So SO excited for you friend :') also psst have you read Maggie Nelson's The Argonauts? So much of it talks about the intersections of queerness, motherhood, and spirituality / queer family-making (and it's also beautifully written)
I read it yeeeeeears ago! I love Maggie Nelson. I should definitely revisit it. Thanks Kelly!